Moms of Modesty

God seeking and modest women who answer the call to be homemakers.

Be Careful Who You Allow Around Your Children

Children Must Be Protected No Matter What

Child sex abuse seems to be on the rise and not going away anytime soon. With child sex trafficking, pornography, pedifiles, and the list goes on and on, it makes one wonder what in the world is happening? Well, I am not surprised…..disturbed, but not surprised. This sick and twisted behavior has been going on for a very long time behind closed doors but with technology and 24 hour media, we are getting a reality check and to some a wake up call.

When I was growing up my mother never let me spend the night with friend’s or even relatives for that matter. I didn’t understand her reasoning at the time and was very upset and critical of her rules and judgements. Looking back, I would say that I had a very strong, protective, and loving mother. My mother didn’t trust ANYONE. She didn’t care if it was a close relative a close friend of the family and don’t even mention a complete stranger…she knew something that I didn’t then and in the wake of all these child sex abuse scandals, I’m comfortable in saying that parents everywhere need to adopt my moms philosophy….TRUST NO ONE!!!

As a child I didn’t know anything about pedifiles or adults (or even older children) who were seeking out and preying on underage relatives, friends of the family and neighbors. To get permission to sleep over at a friend’s house I would give my mom every excuse in the book. I would say that my other friends get to spend the night at other people’s houses or  you just don’t want me to have any fun or my friend’s parents’ are going to be home all night. In my mother’s head she was thinking that’s exactly who I’m trying to protect you from. I remember on many occasions telling my mother that you just don’t trust me and every time she would respond, it’s not that I don’t trust you, I don’t trust other people. See, she knew the little, BIG secrets that were dared to be spoken of in some families.

Not only was sleep overs off-limits but my mother limited her own life in order protect my sister and I. As a young and beautiful  single mother raising two girls she  could have had any man she wanted. Instead, she waited until her children were grown and out of the house before she got married. She did not want to bring strange men around her daughters because she didn’t trust men who were not our biological fathers to be in the company of her daughters. How many stories have I heard about a mother dating a man and he ends up abusing the son or daughter? TOO MANY. My mother was smart and strong enough to put her wants aside in order to guard our chastity. My mother also had enough respect for herself and her children to not date and have men coming in and out of our home. My mother’s wise decision to never leave my sister and I in the care of any man for fear of them taking indecent liberties with her daughters (and of course other lesser things) has taught me how to be a better mother to my own children.

Some mothers that are looking for Mr. Right and looking for love and affection are finding out that all the while Mr. Right is looking at their son or daughter. These men prey on single mothers in order to get close to the children so they can sexually abuse them and what’s even worse is that sometimes the mother will deny the abuse and allow it to happen in order to hang on to her man. If your children can’t trust and rely on you to do right by them then who are they able to turn to?

As a married woman with a wonderful husband, I don’t have to worry about my children and their father but I do worry about teachers, coaches, their friend’s parents, neighbors,  pastors, mentors, relatives, and strangers. This is not to say I actually have reason to believe that any of these people have done harm to my children but my philosophy is that anyone and everyone are potential suspects. The truth is you don’t really know who people are today. Did anyone know who Jerry Sanduski was? Isn’t it the same theme sometimes with these people? They are good with children, they love being around them, they are nice and caring, and many of them are professionals or outstanding people we look up to in the community.

Ever since my children could talk, I have been teaching them that no one should touch you inappropriately or ask you to take your clothes off. Even as their own mother, I give them privacy in the bathroom, privacy getting dressed (when they are old enough to dress themselves),etc., and I tell them to demand this everywhere they go. There is no excuse for an adult (who ise not the parent) to sleep with a child in the same bed. There is no excuse for an adult to be naked and horseplaying around with children (not even parents). It is sad that I even have to present these conversations to my children and make them aware of such filth because they don’t understand what is really happening in our society. All they hear is don’t, don’t, don’t and they ask why, why, why. Children just can’t be children anymore. Because of child predators, the internet, pornography, sexual and provocative music, television, clothes, and people I have to be vigilant and guard the thing I love most. If this means having conversations with them at tender ages that I am not really comfortable having or I think they are not prepared for, then It’s a fear I have to embrace in order to protect my child’s life and virtue.

  • Pedophiles are notoriously friendly, nice, kind, engaging and likeable.
  • Pedophiles target their victims, often insinuating themselves into that child’s life through their family, school, house of worship, sports, and hobbies.
  • Pedophiles are professional con artists and are experts at getting children and families to trust them.
  • Pedophiles will smile at you, look you right in the eye and make you believe they are trustworthy.
  • WOMEN are on the rise as pedifiles too. ANYONE AND EVERYONE IS SUSPECT.

Watch everyone in your child’s life!

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More Black Mothers Should Stay Home

Homemaker: The Best Career In The World

Now before I go any further, I know that all mothers aren’t able to stay at home. However, I am speaking to those who choose to work and with some cut backs or maybe not at all can afford to be at home and make sure the children are with a parent at all times.

I will be the first to admit that it is not always easy to be a full-time homemaker with my four children ranging from ages 10 months to 17 years old. The piles of laundry, dishes, homework, errands, school functions, extracurricular activities, emergencies, sibling rivalry, and not to mention finding time to be a wife to my husband can leave me drained and stressed out at times ( a lot of the time). These are the times when I have to remember that my children are only children once. They have needs that only I can give them best while yet under my wing. I can’t see myself working a 9 to 5  outside my home five days a week just to fill someone elses pockets at the sacrifice of my one and only chance to influence my children with the important morals, values, and life skills that are necessary to thrive as adults. At the same time I am not so naïve to think that my influence is the only influence my children will have in this morally declining society but it is my duty ordained by God to do my best and pray about the rest. At the end of everyday when the kids are sleep and all is quiet I thank God for the honor of being a mother 4 times and trusting me with life. I can’t think of anything else that is more rewarding or I would rather do at this point in my life except sharing my thoughts and experience with you to help you see the beauty in being a homemaker.  I refuse to believe like some that there is anything demeaning about this job and if anyone tells you it is, you just politely respond by saying that nurturing and rearing children, managing your home and finances, and being a support and relief for your husband is the backbone of any society. Without strong families you don’t have strong societies. Kids have too much alone time on their hands when both parents are chasing the idea of having more and more. Kids don’t need all the latest game systems, the finest clothes, and the newest smart phone (especially at 7 years old). Don’t get me wrong, I love for my children to look nice and have SOME things that they like to enjoy if they have earned it but it’s not a must and I am certainly not going to work my fingers to the bone to spoil my children and miss out on ensuring their safety, and being a hands-on parent especially during their formative years.

I think that we miss the mark in this area and set ourselves and our children up for failure. We can commit to a few years (and that’s all they are) and choose to be present with our children. Help them with their homework, teach them to do chores around the house, make sure they have a hot breakfast before school and dinner when they come home, talk to them about their day, GO TO THE SCHOOL and see what they are learning and who they are learning it from (another discussion at another time), read and pray with them before bed, CLEAN THE HOUSE (at least the kitchen and bathrooms because no man wants to come home from a long day’s work to a nasty home), and most importantly, make time for hubby by showing interest in his day and how he feels (make sure he has a hot plate too).

I know this is a long list of to do’s in an already busy schedule but it’s very important. Please, don’t feel that everything has to be perfect and that it must be done everyday (my house is a wreck even as I’m writing this) but at least make an attempt and let it be a standard that is known to the family. I also know that not all families are trying to keep up with the Jones’. Some women want to contribute their skill, intelligence, and talents to society and nothing is wrong with that; we are well within our rights to do so. I just feel that this can be done before you have children or after your children are off to college or whenever you think they have matured as a teenager and are responsible enough to not be closely supervised. Our babies and children don’t need to be left at a daycare or baby sitters all day in another person’s care and I think we all know that it’s not always quality care especially for what you’re paying.  Let us re-prioritize and make the necessary adjustments and arrangements to be better parents.

Until next time……Happy Homemaking!

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