Moms of Modesty

God seeking and modest women who answer the call to be homemakers.

Maidservants Wanted

Where is a maidservant when you need one?

 
Proverbs 31:15
She also rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household, and a portion for her maidservants.”
 
You know what this verse tells me? It tells me that even back then, mothers had outside help around the house. In fact, Holy books like the Bible and Qur’an speak of having slaves and servants all throughout but before I go any further, let me just clarify that slaves and servants were not like what we think and know of today. Slaves and servants in those days were what we would consider today to be “Molly Maids”  or something equal to that. This was a reasonable occupation to have if one chose to be that. They had rights and they were paid. It’s only the ugliness of the slave trade  in America, Europe, and in some Arab countries that made slavery so deplorable and a thing to look down upon and gave the word “slavery”  its new meaning.
 
Let me get back to my point. Why are we as moms acting like we can be all, do it all, and have it all, ALL AT THE SAME TIME. I must admit that before I had my last child, I didn’t think too highly of hired or even free help (from family or friends). I took pride in the fact that I was able to run my household, work full-time, and still have a  little bit of energy at the end of the day for some me time. Lately, this has not been the case and in the wake of my reality check, I have had a change of heart about how I view mothers who hire a nanny or a maid to help them keep their sanity. Mothers are not perfect, we are not Super Women with the ability to juggle all these different balls everyday, all day.
Everyday I start with a long list of To Do’s and many times, the clothes are left in the dryer all week, I miss a deadline at school for one of my kids activities, I never make it out of my pajamas until the end of the day onlywhen it’s time to go to bed again, or I’ve burned dinner because I’m monitoring the kid’s homework at the same time. Don’t get me wrong, I love my life no matter how crazy it is during the day. I just think that there is nothing wrong with having a little help around the house as needed to maintain a functional home. I don’t want to give the green light to mothers who want to take advantage and rely 100% on others to do what they are ultimately responsible for doing themselves.
 
Many cultures around the world see the importance of having someone in the home to aid with taking care of chores in the house in order to give the mother time to dedicate her time to the children and husband. In my husband’s culture, when a woman has small children, the women in the family will rally their support by cooking, cleaning, and running errands for at least the first 3 years after a woman has given birth  (and sometimes longer). This same practice is carried out all over the world and it just makes me wonder, maybe this is why they have more solid families. Children are never left alone. An adult is always at home tending to the needs of the child. It is only in America where women are so concerned about getting back to work and then we turn around leave our children with complete strangers all day. I’m not criticizing women who must work in order to provide for their children but some of us do CHOOSE to work and sacrifice this one and only opportunity to be with our babies at such a critical time. This does not go without saying that a lot of hired help or even families/friends cannot be trusted in our homes around our children AND husbands. Maybe this is why so many mothers feel they would rather do everything themselves (me, included).  
 
 I don’t have the luxury, financially, to hire someone to come in once a week to do major cleaning nor do I have the privilege of family or friends who would voluntarily help me, but I certainly don’t object to anyone who makes this choice anymore.
 
Happy Homemaking!
 
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More Black Mothers Should Stay Home

Homemaker: The Best Career In The World

Now before I go any further, I know that all mothers aren’t able to stay at home. However, I am speaking to those who choose to work and with some cut backs or maybe not at all can afford to be at home and make sure the children are with a parent at all times.

I will be the first to admit that it is not always easy to be a full-time homemaker with my four children ranging from ages 10 months to 17 years old. The piles of laundry, dishes, homework, errands, school functions, extracurricular activities, emergencies, sibling rivalry, and not to mention finding time to be a wife to my husband can leave me drained and stressed out at times ( a lot of the time). These are the times when I have to remember that my children are only children once. They have needs that only I can give them best while yet under my wing. I can’t see myself working a 9 to 5  outside my home five days a week just to fill someone elses pockets at the sacrifice of my one and only chance to influence my children with the important morals, values, and life skills that are necessary to thrive as adults. At the same time I am not so naïve to think that my influence is the only influence my children will have in this morally declining society but it is my duty ordained by God to do my best and pray about the rest. At the end of everyday when the kids are sleep and all is quiet I thank God for the honor of being a mother 4 times and trusting me with life. I can’t think of anything else that is more rewarding or I would rather do at this point in my life except sharing my thoughts and experience with you to help you see the beauty in being a homemaker.  I refuse to believe like some that there is anything demeaning about this job and if anyone tells you it is, you just politely respond by saying that nurturing and rearing children, managing your home and finances, and being a support and relief for your husband is the backbone of any society. Without strong families you don’t have strong societies. Kids have too much alone time on their hands when both parents are chasing the idea of having more and more. Kids don’t need all the latest game systems, the finest clothes, and the newest smart phone (especially at 7 years old). Don’t get me wrong, I love for my children to look nice and have SOME things that they like to enjoy if they have earned it but it’s not a must and I am certainly not going to work my fingers to the bone to spoil my children and miss out on ensuring their safety, and being a hands-on parent especially during their formative years.

I think that we miss the mark in this area and set ourselves and our children up for failure. We can commit to a few years (and that’s all they are) and choose to be present with our children. Help them with their homework, teach them to do chores around the house, make sure they have a hot breakfast before school and dinner when they come home, talk to them about their day, GO TO THE SCHOOL and see what they are learning and who they are learning it from (another discussion at another time), read and pray with them before bed, CLEAN THE HOUSE (at least the kitchen and bathrooms because no man wants to come home from a long day’s work to a nasty home), and most importantly, make time for hubby by showing interest in his day and how he feels (make sure he has a hot plate too).

I know this is a long list of to do’s in an already busy schedule but it’s very important. Please, don’t feel that everything has to be perfect and that it must be done everyday (my house is a wreck even as I’m writing this) but at least make an attempt and let it be a standard that is known to the family. I also know that not all families are trying to keep up with the Jones’. Some women want to contribute their skill, intelligence, and talents to society and nothing is wrong with that; we are well within our rights to do so. I just feel that this can be done before you have children or after your children are off to college or whenever you think they have matured as a teenager and are responsible enough to not be closely supervised. Our babies and children don’t need to be left at a daycare or baby sitters all day in another person’s care and I think we all know that it’s not always quality care especially for what you’re paying.  Let us re-prioritize and make the necessary adjustments and arrangements to be better parents.

Until next time……Happy Homemaking!

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