Moms of Modesty

God seeking and modest women who answer the call to be homemakers.

In-laws and Elders Are The Backbone of Marriage

When things get hard in a marriage it can be so easy to think, well maybe it’s not meant to be and want to walk a way. I have been married for almost twelve years and Lord knows my spouse and I have had our share of ups and downs. The reason for this particular blog is to stress the importance of extended family support to rally around the couple to offer wisdom and counsel.

I think our culture has undone and minimized almost to a zero tolerance for in-law and elderly counsel as the back bone of a young marriage. This lack of importance of extended family can be excused away with the typical drama that we see with “monster-in-laws” and the rest of the negativity that often comes with marrying the “whole family”. This is another topic for another discussion. However, for the good and godly in-laws, other family, and friends, this support is necessary for the growth and development and often times the survival of a marriage. Nowadays, too many people are so quick to give in to the temptation of divorce or separation when they encounter difficulty in the relationship, be it adultery, lack of communication, lack of intimacy, different goals in life, or just plain boredom. 

This is why I admire my husband’s culture so much. Nigerian culture dictates that when irreconcilable problems arise in the marriage, the in-laws and elders of the community are called upon for their wisdom and counsel to save the marriage. This is not seen as intrusive or “airing dirty laundry” to family and strangers. These people are respected and trusted with personal information. They are there to lend an ear to listen and lend their voice to wisdom and counsel.  All pride is put aside for the sake of the marriage (especially if children are involved). The couple is not just left to themselves after marriage to resolve conflict or issues. What does a young couple know that older married people have not gone through, survived, and can now give testimony and advice to others on the same path.  If anyone who has ever been married knows, sometimes and outside voice can be the best voice of reason when husband and wife are highly emotionally and pride steps in the way.  Our family and elders remind us of our vows, commitment, and the importance of staying and working through marital problems. This support is necessary for the life of the marriage, the children who may be involved, and the community as a whole. After all, marriage is the first institution and without strong marriages, you don’t have strong families, and without strong families, you don’t have strong communities. This is why we see the moral breakdown in our society today. No one values marriage and family. When you have dysfunctional marriages and family, you have a dysfunctional society.

 Happy Homemaking!

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