Moms of Modesty

God seeking and modest women who answer the call to be homemakers.

Be Careful Who You Allow Around Your Children

Children Must Be Protected No Matter What

Child sex abuse seems to be on the rise and not going away anytime soon. With child sex trafficking, pornography, pedifiles, and the list goes on and on, it makes one wonder what in the world is happening? Well, I am not surprised…..disturbed, but not surprised. This sick and twisted behavior has been going on for a very long time behind closed doors but with technology and 24 hour media, we are getting a reality check and to some a wake up call.

When I was growing up my mother never let me spend the night with friend’s or even relatives for that matter. I didn’t understand her reasoning at the time and was very upset and critical of her rules and judgements. Looking back, I would say that I had a very strong, protective, and loving mother. My mother didn’t trust ANYONE. She didn’t care if it was a close relative a close friend of the family and don’t even mention a complete stranger…she knew something that I didn’t then and in the wake of all these child sex abuse scandals, I’m comfortable in saying that parents everywhere need to adopt my moms philosophy….TRUST NO ONE!!!

As a child I didn’t know anything about pedifiles or adults (or even older children) who were seeking out and preying on underage relatives, friends of the family and neighbors. To get permission to sleep over at a friend’s house I would give my mom every excuse in the book. I would say that my other friends get to spend the night at other people’s houses or  you just don’t want me to have any fun or my friend’s parents’ are going to be home all night. In my mother’s head she was thinking that’s exactly who I’m trying to protect you from. I remember on many occasions telling my mother that you just don’t trust me and every time she would respond, it’s not that I don’t trust you, I don’t trust other people. See, she knew the little, BIG secrets that were dared to be spoken of in some families.

Not only was sleep overs off-limits but my mother limited her own life in order protect my sister and I. As a young and beautiful  single mother raising two girls she  could have had any man she wanted. Instead, she waited until her children were grown and out of the house before she got married. She did not want to bring strange men around her daughters because she didn’t trust men who were not our biological fathers to be in the company of her daughters. How many stories have I heard about a mother dating a man and he ends up abusing the son or daughter? TOO MANY. My mother was smart and strong enough to put her wants aside in order to guard our chastity. My mother also had enough respect for herself and her children to not date and have men coming in and out of our home. My mother’s wise decision to never leave my sister and I in the care of any man for fear of them taking indecent liberties with her daughters (and of course other lesser things) has taught me how to be a better mother to my own children.

Some mothers that are looking for Mr. Right and looking for love and affection are finding out that all the while Mr. Right is looking at their son or daughter. These men prey on single mothers in order to get close to the children so they can sexually abuse them and what’s even worse is that sometimes the mother will deny the abuse and allow it to happen in order to hang on to her man. If your children can’t trust and rely on you to do right by them then who are they able to turn to?

As a married woman with a wonderful husband, I don’t have to worry about my children and their father but I do worry about teachers, coaches, their friend’s parents, neighbors,  pastors, mentors, relatives, and strangers. This is not to say I actually have reason to believe that any of these people have done harm to my children but my philosophy is that anyone and everyone are potential suspects. The truth is you don’t really know who people are today. Did anyone know who Jerry Sanduski was? Isn’t it the same theme sometimes with these people? They are good with children, they love being around them, they are nice and caring, and many of them are professionals or outstanding people we look up to in the community.

Ever since my children could talk, I have been teaching them that no one should touch you inappropriately or ask you to take your clothes off. Even as their own mother, I give them privacy in the bathroom, privacy getting dressed (when they are old enough to dress themselves),etc., and I tell them to demand this everywhere they go. There is no excuse for an adult (who ise not the parent) to sleep with a child in the same bed. There is no excuse for an adult to be naked and horseplaying around with children (not even parents). It is sad that I even have to present these conversations to my children and make them aware of such filth because they don’t understand what is really happening in our society. All they hear is don’t, don’t, don’t and they ask why, why, why. Children just can’t be children anymore. Because of child predators, the internet, pornography, sexual and provocative music, television, clothes, and people I have to be vigilant and guard the thing I love most. If this means having conversations with them at tender ages that I am not really comfortable having or I think they are not prepared for, then It’s a fear I have to embrace in order to protect my child’s life and virtue.

  • Pedophiles are notoriously friendly, nice, kind, engaging and likeable.
  • Pedophiles target their victims, often insinuating themselves into that child’s life through their family, school, house of worship, sports, and hobbies.
  • Pedophiles are professional con artists and are experts at getting children and families to trust them.
  • Pedophiles will smile at you, look you right in the eye and make you believe they are trustworthy.
  • WOMEN are on the rise as pedifiles too. ANYONE AND EVERYONE IS SUSPECT.

Watch everyone in your child’s life!

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Manicures, Pedicures, and Eye Brows: Move Over Ladies!

Not too long ago my sister and I had a girls outing and decided to go get our nails done at the salon. I hardly ever get my nails done professionally but at the time I was 9 months pregnant and in desperate need for some pampering. After we got there  I was hugely disturbed by what I witnessed. I saw two gentlemen getting manicures and pedicures along side with their wives and even more disturbing is that the wives seemed to be perfectly ok with it. Now, what I’m referring to is not the fact that another woman was massaging their feet and hands instead, I am concerned about how more and more we are accepting our men to become softened by this society and culture.

A generation ago if you asked a man if he wanted to go get his nails and feet done he would have almost cursed you out and would have been offended. Now, it’s as though the pressure for men to be beautiful and perfectly groomed is on the rise. I would have expected to see men of a different persuasion sitting in those chairs because at least then I would have understood (not that I agree with it or it makes it right) but the mere fact that these were straight men receiving services that only women should be getting does not sit well with me and I wanted to speak about it.

I don’t recall any of the men in my life (father, grandfather, etc..) as I was growing up concerned about having neatly groomed  clear coated nails, soft feet, and perfectly threaded eyebrows. Back then, men were men. They were providers, they worked hard outside the home, cut the grass, worked on cars, and fixed things around the house. Their idea of grooming was making sure they a decent haircut and they didn’t smell like car oil. Don’t get me wrong, every man needs to take pride in how they look and I definitely love for my husband to smell good. All I’m saying is that the man and woman are not supposed to compete in anyway. Instead of manicuring the yard, he’s manicuring his nails. I shouldn’t be comparing my fingernails to my husbands and admiring his manicure. The bible says that the woman is the glory of any man. I don’t know about you but when I go to the nail salon and I’m trying to relax and get a manicure or pedicure I don’t want to see a masculine man and his masculine hands or feet being pampered in the midst of a host of women and he’s layed back like this is normal.

Women we need to step our game up, call it like it is, and stop acting like this is ok. I know for myself as a woman we are naturally attracted to a man’s strong and firm hands and it’s ok if they are a little hard and rough. It shows that he is a man not afraid of work. A woman’s hands are soft and gentle and are supposed to be used to console and comfort her husband. I’m sorry if I’m offending anyone but a salon is not the place for a man unless you’re fixing a toilet or something inside. Let’s stop trying to be what we are not and embrace our God given assignment and role as woman and man. There is a clear distinction in the male and female and I our culture is doing their darndest to blur the lines. If this was ok, men everywhere would have been doing it since the beginning of time. Next time you go to the salon, count how many men (especially straight men) you see. The numbers are growing and it makes me wonder what next?

How does this relate to homemaking? In the institution of marriage and family the man was created stronger (physically) than the female. He is the leader, provider, and protector of the wife, family, and home. These types of feminine activities and tendencies discredits the beauty of the man. When the man is discredited he is not properly respected in society and at home. When men don’t behave as men at home it opens the door for confusion and other problems that will eventually disrupt a woman’s ability to fully function in her role and purpose as a wife and mother.

Oh! while my sister was selecting a nail color a gentlemen sitting next to her asked her what color was she getting. Hellooooooooo! What’s wrong with that picture? Needless to say, my sister was like okayyyyyyyyyy! Why does it matter to you?

Get my point?

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Single Black Male Looking For Single White Or Anything Other Than Black Female

I know you’re thinking what does this have to do with being modest or being a homemaker. Well, it has a lot to do with the fact that so many black women don’t have the luxury of being stay at home moms because the black men who do happen to be good providers and don’t mind their wives being full-time homemakers are married to white women. don’t get me wrong, I am in no way bashing black men because I understand the heavy impact of colonialism and how it plays into the psyche of black males today, however, there comes a point when one must question his thought process and ask himself is it really love when you see black men flocking to white women by the thousands or is there something deeper and more disturbing taking place. That’s why having a good knowledge of one’s history, self, and the conspiracy in America towards black men and women is important in breaking down the mental chains of slavery.

I would like to make it clear that I am not begging any of my black brothers to realize the sacredness and the beauty of the black woman even though now a days it’s not so apparant. We have been morally raped and we are now acting out in a desperate cry for attention and acceptance. For the brothers who don’t even want to give a sister the time of day because you need a trophy girlfriend or wife, a mixed child you can parade around with as if you didn’t yourself come from the womb of a black woman deeply disturbs me. Maybe these brothers feel that black women have too much baggage and drama and to be quite honest I don’t know any woman that doesn’t have some baggage at some point in her life.

Check out this article I found that discusses some of the VALID reasons why I think we are seeing this epidemic grow more and more.

Why Black Men Love White Women author Rajen Persaud Q&A with DSN (Pt. 1)

Posted by  shawnpwilliams on Jan 28th, 2010 and filed under Featured, Interviews, Lorrie Irby Jackson, Opinion. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry

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By Lorrie Irby Jackson – Dallas South News Contributor

With our nation’s first African-American president now in the White House, as well as the never-ending drama of black and white issues in popular culture, I figured it was a good time to revisit one of the most honest and insightful books on race relations that I’ve ever read, Rajen Persaud’s Why Black Men Love White Women.

Don’t let the incendiary title fool you: instead of it being an instruction manual on how to diss the sisters or giving credence to often-circulated and tired stereotypes, 2007’s Why…. intertwines the author’s own personal observations and experience with facts, percentages and thoroughly researched explanations behind the mindset and motivations of brothers who seem to trip over the sisters in the pursuit of non-blacks for love and companionship.

From his home in New York City, the day trader, filmmaker and lecturer peppered our chat with his explosive views on the recent Essence and Vanity Fair magazine cover controversies, his take on the Tiger Woods debacle and our duties to the young people in our lives to keep them from making some of the same racially-centered errors in life.

why black men.... cover

Lorrie Irby Jackson: A lot of subscribers were upset by Essence’s decision to feature New Orleans Saints football star, Reggie Bush, on their annual Black Love issue, since he’s very publically-dating the non-black Kim Kardashian. Why do you think they opted to feature him that manner?

Rajen Persaud: Well, Essence magazine is no longer a black-owned entity, it is now a Time-Warner product. So you can say what you want about them, but there certainly not interested in the plight and feelings of the black woman. They’re basically sending that message that they don’t care about black love in general.

RAJEN PERSAUDRAJEN PERSAUD

When they used to talk about black love, the cover would include a black couple. So, their putting Reggie on the cover is is advertising for a refund, because the White Establishment wants a rebate on the money their paying these negroes. When the white women stop going with these entertainers and athletes, they get paid, and that’s a rebate to the white community, so it’s in their best interest. They used to get a ‘n*****’ rebate; jewlery, cars,  dope, liquor, spending as much as they can in the white community, so that’s why they don’t mind advertising back to more whites. They’re not stupid.

I used to call Essence mag OpprEssence. They used to have two columns, “Brothers” and “Interiors,” and practically every column was written by a woman claiming to be suffering at the hands of a black man.

In some way, shape or form the black man was the cause of all of her problems, and her evolution out of that problem, and it was always about a sorry negro who had problems with black women. I was wondering who were they talking to, and this was back in the 1990’s.

LIJ: How do you feel about the recent Tiger Woods Vanity Fair cover? A lots of blacks are of the opinion that this was the media’s way of portraying him as what they truly see him as—a thug.

RP: And they’re right. More importantly, they wanted to show you the field n*****, the one that chases white women.  They wanted to show the big, black buck. Tiger Woods was the most emasculated man in the world of sports. Now with all of the reported activity with the white women, they finally got the big black buck image that they wanted to destroy him with. It’s the equivalent of that darkened OJ mugshot for the cover of Time Magazine. Now, Tiger is going to be fine from an athletic standpoint: some of his endorsements may split, but other companies needing a spokesperson will need his image, because it will generate interest in their product because of who’s endorsing it.

LIJ: Do you see the same for his marriage?

RJ: Whether they divorce or not, Elin should not be too upset, because  the same reason Tiger cheated on her was for the same reason how a nanny could snag a billionaire, and that is Tiger Woods  is suffering from self –hate that’s generated from a colonized mind. A colonized mind believes that everything outside of his black world is better than he is. Which is why he would go and marry his friends’s nanny.

He had his pick of the litter from black women, asian women, those with the same amount or more money, or  just as educated or more educated, but he believed that a white nanny was the best thing he could get and that white nanny was the medication for that psychological malady of self-hate—-but she was only one dose,  and he needed a couple of more spoonfuls.

Elin should thank her lucky stars that there was slavery, because otherwise no one would know her name and she would be a broke nanny mopping floors in Sweden someplace. You find me a millionaire white athlete that’s married to a black maid, nanny, or even to a Jamaican home attendant. You can’t do it. And you couldn’t find me one among Asians, Indians, or anyone else. Only with black men.

We have to ask ourselves the question if Tiger Woods  had been a shipping manager at UPS/post office, would he have gotten Elin? She wasn’t even a nanny for a black golfer. This woman got paid off of the legacy of slavery, so even if they divorce, she shouldn’t be mad—just take the money and run. If she stays for any reason, it’s prostitution.  And this could set a legal precedent that could end up in court. If a woman’s gonna stay with me for an hour and I’m paying her, there’s no difference between what Tiger Woods  is doing and what I’m doing, because what he’s doing in that pre-nup is offering money for the amount of time she stays with him.

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More Black Mothers Should Stay Home

Homemaker: The Best Career In The World

Now before I go any further, I know that all mothers aren’t able to stay at home. However, I am speaking to those who choose to work and with some cut backs or maybe not at all can afford to be at home and make sure the children are with a parent at all times.

I will be the first to admit that it is not always easy to be a full-time homemaker with my four children ranging from ages 10 months to 17 years old. The piles of laundry, dishes, homework, errands, school functions, extracurricular activities, emergencies, sibling rivalry, and not to mention finding time to be a wife to my husband can leave me drained and stressed out at times ( a lot of the time). These are the times when I have to remember that my children are only children once. They have needs that only I can give them best while yet under my wing. I can’t see myself working a 9 to 5  outside my home five days a week just to fill someone elses pockets at the sacrifice of my one and only chance to influence my children with the important morals, values, and life skills that are necessary to thrive as adults. At the same time I am not so naïve to think that my influence is the only influence my children will have in this morally declining society but it is my duty ordained by God to do my best and pray about the rest. At the end of everyday when the kids are sleep and all is quiet I thank God for the honor of being a mother 4 times and trusting me with life. I can’t think of anything else that is more rewarding or I would rather do at this point in my life except sharing my thoughts and experience with you to help you see the beauty in being a homemaker.  I refuse to believe like some that there is anything demeaning about this job and if anyone tells you it is, you just politely respond by saying that nurturing and rearing children, managing your home and finances, and being a support and relief for your husband is the backbone of any society. Without strong families you don’t have strong societies. Kids have too much alone time on their hands when both parents are chasing the idea of having more and more. Kids don’t need all the latest game systems, the finest clothes, and the newest smart phone (especially at 7 years old). Don’t get me wrong, I love for my children to look nice and have SOME things that they like to enjoy if they have earned it but it’s not a must and I am certainly not going to work my fingers to the bone to spoil my children and miss out on ensuring their safety, and being a hands-on parent especially during their formative years.

I think that we miss the mark in this area and set ourselves and our children up for failure. We can commit to a few years (and that’s all they are) and choose to be present with our children. Help them with their homework, teach them to do chores around the house, make sure they have a hot breakfast before school and dinner when they come home, talk to them about their day, GO TO THE SCHOOL and see what they are learning and who they are learning it from (another discussion at another time), read and pray with them before bed, CLEAN THE HOUSE (at least the kitchen and bathrooms because no man wants to come home from a long day’s work to a nasty home), and most importantly, make time for hubby by showing interest in his day and how he feels (make sure he has a hot plate too).

I know this is a long list of to do’s in an already busy schedule but it’s very important. Please, don’t feel that everything has to be perfect and that it must be done everyday (my house is a wreck even as I’m writing this) but at least make an attempt and let it be a standard that is known to the family. I also know that not all families are trying to keep up with the Jones’. Some women want to contribute their skill, intelligence, and talents to society and nothing is wrong with that; we are well within our rights to do so. I just feel that this can be done before you have children or after your children are off to college or whenever you think they have matured as a teenager and are responsible enough to not be closely supervised. Our babies and children don’t need to be left at a daycare or baby sitters all day in another person’s care and I think we all know that it’s not always quality care especially for what you’re paying.  Let us re-prioritize and make the necessary adjustments and arrangements to be better parents.

Until next time……Happy Homemaking!

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Female Gospel Singers: Help or Hindrance?

Romans 12:2

 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”

I’m deeply disturbed when I see women of God dressed like women of the world. I was recently watching an awards show (can’t remember which one) and my dear sisters, Mary Mary, were singing beautifully and glorifying God but their message was being hindered by what they were wearing. The outfits that one of the sisters had on was a low-cut, cleavage revealing dress that resembled something that would be worn to the club. While singing in this provocative outfit she was bouncing and dancing around making it hard not to notice her voluptuous breast jiggling all over the place. Now I know that if I found it hard to concentrate on the spirit of the music then  it was equally or even harder for the men that were viewing from the audience or from television to concentrate with a pure mind what it is they were singing about.

Are we as women of faith really trying to be virtuous women? Do we even know what it means in its totality? Those of us who claim to be Christian, Muslim, Jewish, etc. need to really go back to God’s word and see if we are doing a disservice to ourselves, our daughters, sons, husbands, and our community.

We cannot dress provocatively or like the world wants us to dress and think that it’s ok. With all the sexual crimes against women, children, promiscuity, and sexual references in our media and culture you would think that women everywhere would stand up and be responsible enough to dress modestly and teach our children to dress and understand the importance of being modest too.

It is true that a man is supposed to control himself, respect women, and turn away from such temptations but as women we have the responsibility to cover up and stop putting ourselves and our little girls out there to be objects of sexual desire. If you need an example of what real modesty looks like, look at Mary, the mother of Jesus. I don’t recall any images of her showing her breast, wearing painted on jeans, mini skirts, tattoos all over her body, and her hair dyed every color under the sun. No wonder men disrespect us; we have lowered our standard of decency. After all, Mary is the most respected and honored woman in history and the world and she did not have to dress like a hooker. She was modest and chaste; that’s why God used her. Let God fully use you too.

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